odyssey

My body was broken. Knee was completely bum, two discs blasted apart in the low back, some days unable to move. My mind was raptured in misery, the brain injuries didn’t help anything… I had just completed my last tour in Afghanistan and left the military, never to return. No missions for me, no friends to speak of; I was a mess.

When winter hits in Michigan it doesn't take long for the S.A.D. (seasonal affective disorder) to kick in. Snow was starting to come down and the sun, whatever you could make of it, was setting. I had heard of this crazy guy, Wim Hof, who was doing some ridiculous stuff like jumping in freezing water to heal trauma… intrigued; I found the Joe Rogan interview he had done a few months earlier and started watching.

I was hooked. 45 minutes in I had to stop the program. My place was just down the street from the lake… I went down there in the middle of a snow storm and trudged into the cold water, ice balls starting to form and just… CRIED. YELLED. SCREAMED!!! I let it out.

It was painful, it was mind numbing, it was… unavoidable. I had to confront everything I was masking. It was the dawn of a new healing journey…

My parents loved me but they couldn’t outrun their demons. When I was growing up, my life was hellish at times. Abuse, both physical and mental took place regularly. Knowing they would be drunk was a given, it was the dread of HOW drunk and which one would be worse… my father was much more terrifying when he was out of control.

I internalized the things I witnessed and the things that were done and said to me. I believed, my whole life, that I was unworthy - as did both of my parents. They transferred their traumas onto me. They didn't know any other way.

Since I was an only child, I spent a lot of time by myself. A lot of time daydreaming, singing to myself and rapping. The water was my refuge. My parents were big into boating and that, along with alcohol, ended up being the reason we never had money. Still, my fondest memories are all related to Lake Michigan. It was the place I could go to be washed from my troubles, be present.

I made a decision, at 4 years old, to never take a sip of alcohol as long as I lived. I am proud to say, even in my darkest days, I never once turned to the bottle. Not a drop. This has been my saving grace in life. I have an addictive personality…

I felt the need to escape my environment and make my own way as early as possible. I joined the military at 17 and shipped out for bootcamp, leaving behind the only world I knew…

After a tumultuous childhood and tours in Iraq and Afghanistan I had developed many bad habits and coping mechanisms that were not helping me by any stretch of the imagination. I had triggers which I was completely unaware of.

Random things could set me off… it must have been THEIR fault… which is the default setting of people in trauma responses. I was unable to face my part in my experiences. While it wasn’t my “fault” that I experienced what I did, growing up, it was my responsibility to fix it. Something had to change.

I left the military in 2015 to undertake a journey of healing my body, mind and spirit.

I started with free diving. When I thought about “going deep” into myself to heal, I figured I’d start with going into deep water. It became a meditation for me. I would go out in Lake Michigan on a paddleboard with heavy rocks and use them to pin me to the bottom around 40-50 feet deep so I could meditate.

I felt as if I needed the overt sensations to keep my focus 100% on the present moment. My wiring was “high rev” so-to-speak. It was a practice that forced me to turn inwards.

Later I would find the teachings of Wim Hof, whom I studied under and even had the chance to train with directly! His guidance in using the ice and breathing was instrumental in my healing journey.

I went on a self-healing journey for 10 years testing methods and building competency in a variety of tools. I studied psychology, philosophy, stoicism, optimized my learning habits, read and implemented the works of high-level entrepreneurs such as Tim Ferris. I also deepened my knowledge and experience with my main craft: strength training. Being usually smaller than everyone around me, I always aimed to be strong to keep up. This habit fueled my pursuit of high level teachers and mentors like Pavel Tsatsouline, the kettlebell master.

My body was busted up from a variety of service-related injuries and dumb ideas… I dove into Poliquin’s work, studied physical therapy and anatomy courses, and sought out of the box solutions for my knees, low back (2 blown discs), TBIs (head injuries), rotator cuff… yeah, I was a mess. I was drawn to the GMB method and Ryan Hurst, Ido Portal and others with their Primal Movement. It all helped me get the healing I desperately needed. Each domain had something to offer.

I kept on this path for 5 years of intensive learning. Still, something was missing. I had done all this self-development and practiced with all of these tools but I still had so many issues. I slid backwards, became disheartened and sort of gave up. I felt like all my progress was surface-level. I still had my triggers and felt like it was getting worse. My life began to fall apart again.

Adrienne, my Muse, was there for my whole journey. She was my biggest supporter, I don’t know if I would have made it without her. Adri introduced me to yoga, meditation and, in 2020, we began to do sound baths! The sound has been incredibly healing for me.

We have been doing this health and wellness thing together for 10 years! But it hasn’t been without its struggles. I feel like she is my twin flame and if you know anything about this concept you’ll understand it isn’t all about rainbows and sunshine… we’ve had some serious struggles.

For a couple years it felt like my entire world was falling apart. I couldn’t focus, my goals seemed impossible, I didn’t have the energy to go on. I wanted to give up. I wanted to just give someone else my pain.

A ray of hope gleamed into my life when Doctor Sherry O’Donnell reached out to take me on a disaster relief mission to Lebanon in February of 2023, when the massive earthquake hit.

Heartbeat Mission went all in on Hurricane Helene as well. These experiences have been some of the most fulfilling work I’ve been privileged to be a part of. For this reason, I am developing a non-profit foundation to do this disaster relief work which I am called to. It is my life’s work, my higher purpose. This prospect has awakened me, brought me into alignment. Now I want to bring this gift to those who are ready to embrace their calling.

This is a multi-faceted pipeline which pulls from my background in holistic wellness, strength & conditioning, holding space, reiki and energy work, military experience, first responder training, amongst other trades and useful skills…

Here’s my vision:

• Continue running the brick and mortar in Benton Harbor, MI —> strength gym, yoga studio, hot/cold therapy, massage clinic, organic cafe.

• Host men’s and veteran’s retreats to give men the tools to find their purpose and streamline into the flow of the universe.

• Use these retreats to connect with men (and women) who can do the work required to be in disaster zones, then hire them into the organization.

• Connect to the VA and use the non-profit funds to pay for veterans to go on retreats and/or missions.

• Be able to deploy anywhere in the US to assist (or be) first responders. Allocate funds and resources to stockpile generators, trailers, etc. to distribute to those in need who may or may not be able to receive gvt. assistance.

I’m calling on all those who resonate with this mission. I need men and women with big hearts and a willingness to do the inner work, to face the mirror and chase their higher purpose! We can change the world by changing ourselves, first. We can make the world kind by being kind. Let’s journey together!